Sometimes I’m not 100% on faith
99% of the time I am a believer of the words of the Bible. I try to live and practice what is in the Bible.
On the other hand, I have diagnosed bipolar disorder — which often changes my perception of things, lots of things. One of the main ones being religion.
A few weeks ago I started thinking about solipsism. If you want to save yourself the time of searching up the definition online, I’ll save you the few seconds. Basically it’s just “believing that you are the only one to exist”.
That seems a bit outlandish, I agree. But if you truly look deep into it, it seems less — dumb.
Here’s my way of looking at it. Say that I’m just a conscious being (even if you want to picture the Matrix, whatever helps you understand it more) and that everything around me — everything in this world, and this universe — is not really “real”, it’s non-existent. This type of solipsism is what is referred to as “metaphysical solipsism” which is pretty much what I said. Believing that ones self is the only true thing in existence.
There are other types of beliefs; including what are known as epistemological solipsism and methodological solipsism. They are different — and yet not far from each other. You can look the others up online, if you wish, but I won’t delve into them as their irrelevant.
So, after considering the thought “maybe I am the only real person” — it really makes you think about life and all its consequences. If I’m the only real person, can’t I just change things? Or maybe since I’ve already created all of this in my head, that I can’t just change it on a whim.
After rolling it around in your head for a while — it’s pretty obvious that it’s nothing more than philosophy.
Then there’s the other. The pure agnostic belief.
The feeling that if God is real, why is my life so awful? Why is it that I work 5 days a week for an awful wage that barely supports my family? Why am I stuck with having a mental illness that affects everything about me and everyone I’m close with.
Having the feeling that perhaps religion in general — not just Christianity — everything in the scope of being referred to as “religion”; perhaps, it’s just a way for humans to feel like they understand where we come from, and why.
There’s no middle ground found there. It’s either real or nothing is. If it is real, who’s right? How are we supposed to know? I can’t read Arabic, so how do I know what is the Quran? I’ve never been to exposed to Judaism, so how would I know if their understanding of the Bible is correct, as opposed to the Christian interpretation? Hinduism? Buddhism? There are tons and tons of religious beliefs — besides the ones mentioned.
How am I supposed to know which is the truth — if any?
Just because I was raised in the Bible belt, I’m automatically inclined and expected to believe in something? Because I married into a dedicated conservative Christian family? Because my grandfather, and his dad, and his dad all went to a Baptist church?
And that’s another thing. It’s not just saying “I’m a Christian — I believe in Jesus and in God”.
Christianity is the largest populated religion in the world — about 2.42bn claiming the religion.
Do you know how that is broken up? Those ~2.5bn people do not believe the same thing. There are literally DOZENS of churches (denominations) within the confine of “Christianity” — and yes, this includes the Catholic church, which many would argue is not a part of Christianity — but that’s irrelevant right now.
The point being, how am I supposed to know out of the dozens of religions is true? And out of those dozens, how many of those dozens of subcategories (denominations) is true?
Just point and guess?
How am I supposed to justify my faith to someone of another religion? How can I argue that the Bible is the truth, when I have absolutely no knowledge of their beliefs. Even I were to have knowledge, that doesn’t mean I hold irrefutable proof of my belief being “real” — if that existed there would not be so many different religions.
The fact being, there are dozens of religions — and dozens more within “Christianity” and I’m supposed to pick one and hope for the best at the end of my life? How does that seem fair? How am I supposed to know if the preacher from church A who went to college is more knowledgeable of “truth” than the preacher from church B who also went to college?
They’re both already more knowledgeable than myself. I didn’t go to college — let alone a Bible college, so I’m stuck with trying to read the Bible myself, comprehend it and then try to figure out who I agree with.
But at the end of the day, I go to church on Wednesdays and Saturdays because I’m back to feeling normal.